Thursday, April 8, 2010

Ice, Ice Miami

So I was in Miami back in March for work, honestly for work and we weren’t near the beach so it was 100% work until Thursday night when we cruised over to Miami Beach and boy was it a place. So the inspiration for this blog post is based off of the highway we had to take to get over to the beach and anyone in my era knows immediately what A1A is in reference to…ok if that didn’t help then maybe this will…A1A Beach Front Avenue. So yes I have taken small snippets from the legendary song from the 80’s and the one man that started high school and Jr. High kids everywhere shaving ‘ditches’ into your eyebrows. Spring Break at Miami Beach honestly scares me…maybe it is because I just turned 30 or maybe because it was a cesspool of nastyness. I’m guessing it is much nicer during the summer or when the spring breakers aren’t in town. Ice Ice Baby All right stop collaborate and listen Which was really hard to do when the reason you are in Miami is because you’re displaying at an international conference and ½ the audience cannot speak English so you pretend that you know what they are asking, they pretend they understood what you are saying and you both smile. Ice is back with my brand new invention Something grabs a hold of me tightly It might have been the guy standing behind the bush with his bicycle fondling himself. Flow like a harpoon daily and nightly Night would have been scary there, it was hard to get Jake out of the car in the daylight. Will it ever stop yo I don't know I’m guessing when the spring breakers leave yes. Turn off the lights and I'll glow The lights turned off would make this place bearable. Rollin' in my 5.0 With my rag-top down so my hair can blow Actually we were in a Camry…no sticking accelerators…and our windows were down until we rolled up on a motorcycle gang on Ocean Blvd…then they were up The girlies on standby waving just to say hi Pretty sure the girls were saying I’m easy and I’m only $20 an hour, but there were some very classy ladies walking down the street with fruity drinks in their hands, cover-ups half covering up and high heels that I couldn’t walk across my living room in. Did you stop no I just drove by Yep, yep we just drove on by Kept on pursuing to the next stop Which was about 3 feet from the previous stop because it was bumper to bumper traffic and moving very slow or you would miss out on the exciting stuff. I busted a left and I'm heading to the next block The block was dead Yo so I continued to A1A Beachfront Avenue Honestly, it was pretty exciting to realize that I was driving on A1A…pretty much brought me back to riding the school bus and singing along to this song…I bet my parents were so proud. Girls were hot wearing less than bikinis Yes they were the rejects from Jersey Shore and pretty sure that hot = overheating and less than bikinis wasn’t supposed to mean a jean skirt so short her granny panties stuck out the bottom. Seriously it was not attractive that she was walking down the street sharing more of her than needed yelling at someone on the phone in her Jersey accent about f’ing walking f’ing block…oh did I mention she was rocking kicks with socks…not a good look. Rockman lovers driving Lamborghinis All the Lamborghini drivers we saw must have been gay because the only people we saw in Lamborghinis, Porches and Maseratis were two dude…hate to break it to you but two dudes in a car like that leaves no room for any chics so they must have been lovers. Jumped in my car slammed on the gas Because we were scared we were going to get jumped by the gang we drove by. Bumper to bumper the avenue's packed This is no exaggeration because if you drove quickly you would miss all the sights and sounds. I'm trying to get away before the jackers jack Police on the scene you know what I mean But they weren’t doing a lot because they were riding bicycles…and they weren’t too concerned about the dirty guy behind the bushes. Miami's on the scene just in case you didn't know it Scene for my mommy and daddy bought me a STD for Spring Break My town that created all the bass sound Enough to shake and kick holes in the ground 'Cause my style's like a chemical spill A chemical spill might help to clean the joint up a little Feasible rhymes that you can vision and feel Conducted and formed This is a hell of a concept The only hell in the concept is that this place is such a hot spot…maybe we were in the ‘bad’ part of the beach and that is fine…I have to say it was quite possibly some of the BEST people watching that I have had in a long time and I have spent the better part of 3 months in airports which everyone knows are almost the best people watching, until Ocean Front Ave. in Miami Beach.
We had some great dinners in Miami however, I highly recommend grabbing dinner or taking customers to the Oceanaire Seafood Room or Chop House Miami.
The Oceanaire ( is in a quaint little district that has tobacco shops, apparel and of course a FedEx Kinkos. The Oceanaire had hand-down the best Key Lime Pie that I have ever had. Fun Fact that I learned in Miami was that good Key Lime Pie is actually yellow in color not lime green, interesting.
The Chop House Miami ( has by far the best seafood appetizer tower I’ve ever seen. I recommend that you have a big group or a big appetite or maybe just get the tower with some drinks and call it a night. This is the only place that I have ever had a waiter tell me that they serve only the finest corn-fed aged Kansas City steaks. Let’s just say that they had me at corn-fed but then he threw in KC and I was in heaven.

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